The one where dreams were made and crushed in less than five minutes.
Man, I remember it like it was yesterday. I mean, mainly because it just happened yesterday. I was on the couch reading my book (Friend Request, a riveting mystery by Laura Marshall — you should totally check it out, if thrillers/mysteries are your thing) when I got a notification on my phone. Cindy Starmaker (not her real name) wants to send me a message on Instagram. I sighed. "SPAM," was my reaction. I don't know any Cindy Starmaker and she probably wants to sell me something. Still, something made me check it out. "Hey!" the message began. The chipper tone drew me in. I'm a sucker for cheerful greetings. I continued reading. "I'm from Her Team! We're looking for brand ambassadors and models. Please send a message to our main account ASAP! We love your account!" Oh. Em. Gee. What is happening??? This is it! My big break! The past 81 days spent carefully curating my Insta feed with t-shirt photos were paying off! Someone noticed and I'm going to become a model!
The lyrics to my favorite Cracker song, "Star," immediately started playing in my head.
Gonna make you a star
And show the world your green, green eyes
See your smiling face
Everywhere, everyplace
I have green eyes and a smiling face! This is it! It's a sign!
"Okay, okay, calm down," I told myself. "First, check out this account and see if it's even legit." I checked the account and it seemed to be real. I mean, as legit as an account can look from a quick feed scan.
"Okay, okay, check their website." I did and, again, it seemed legit. More than legit. It seemed baller. Their mission statement: Promoting the empowerment of the ladies.
OMG. I promote the empowerment of the ladies! It's another sign! The site was a storefront filled with amazing t-shirts, sweatshirts, and jewelry, all sporting powerful female-driven messages: 'Babes Empower Babes.' 'Girl. You Already Have What It Takes.' 'Empowered Women Empower Women.'
I could ambassador the CRAP out of this stuff! "Okay, but wait ... you're over 50. Why would they want you to model their stuff?" [Disclaimer: I am slightly less empowering when it comes to myself.] I had to remind myself that Lyn Slater, aka the Accidental Icon, and Iris Apfel are both showing the world that beauty doesn't suddenly end at the age of 30. I could offer up a positive, sporty attitude and show other 50-something-year-old women that they can be strong and empowered, too. All while wearing cute stuff! I was ready to send a message, but I still had a funny feeling about this whole thing. Trust no one, right? Especially when it comes to the internet. But something about Cindy Starmaker's bland profile photo (I know, another slightly less empowering thought) didn't sit right with me. And the fact that her username read as something like a computer-generated password raised some serious red flags. So I did a quick Google search of Cindy Starmaker. Nada. Nothing. That just seemed weird. How is Cindy Starmaker not even on Linkedin in 2021? Not to mention, she had zero posts and two followers. Sure, she might normally use and manage the company's social media account, but then why not just send the message from that? Why create a brand new personal account? Then I decided to Google the company itself, and that was when I hit pay dirt. Loads of entries revealing the company as a giant scam. Their MO is to reach out to women, ask them to be brand ambassadors for the company, tell them they need to purchase the products — but at a discount, get the women to purchase items, and then never send the items. Well, ain't that just a kick in the teeth? My dreams of becoming a style icon were destroyed, just like that. The second and third homes? Gone. New Ford Bronco? Mentally repossessed. Trips to Italy and Iceland? Canceled. All in less than five minutes.
It's probably for the best. I mean, I have this blog to write and some shows to watch on Netflix. And anyway, who has time to take photos of themselves wearing t-shirts all the time? Oh well. Cheers, and peace out until next time!
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