The one where we talk about making lists and the damage they can do to our mental health.
Lists. I love them. I make them all the time. There's something cathartic about creating a list of things to accomplish and then checking off item after item.
I also enjoy making lists of things I like. Music, books, TV shows, bourbons ... categorizing things and sharing them is fun and can help show the world who you are. But I feel like we're getting into dangerous territory when we create people lists. The World's Hottest Men. The World's Most Beautiful Women. New York's Most Eligible Bachelors. You get the drift. We make lists of things we think are the best of the best, and when people are the subject it implies that those on the list are somehow better than everyone else.
Earlier this week, Forbes announced its inaugural class of '50 over 50,' a who's who list of female entrepreneurs, leaders, and creators chosen to represent a new era: one that proves that success has no age limits or boundaries. However, a quick scroll through the "winners" shows that that's not quite that case. CEO of General Motors. Speaker of the House. Vice President of the United States. It's an incredibly impressive list. So where is the everyday woman? You know, the Covid nurse who saved life after life, month after month, all while putting her own in danger. Or the teacher who shows up every day to make sure her students get an education. Or the waitress who has been on her feet for years so that you can get a meal you don't have to prepare for yourself. I couldn't find a single one. So it seems like there actually are some boundaries. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to see women — especially women over the age of 50 — being recognized for their contributions to the world. It's long overdue. But my concern is that, even though these women have done amazing things, their experiences still aren't typical for most of the women in the world today. What they have achieved is so far out of the realm of possibility for most people that reading the list could potentially have a detrimental impact on a person's self esteem. Because if you haven't done even a fraction of what these women have done, does that mean that you aren't successful? What does success mean, really, and how do we really measure it?
Looking at the list, I think the takeaway is that in order to be considered successful, you have to have a fancy title (the majority have CEO, Founder, Owner, Chair, or President included in there somewhere) and make a ton of money.
Catherine O'Hara made the list for her portrayal of Moira Rose on Schitt's Creek. And, look, I love her as much as the next person, but that kind of opportunity just doesn't exist for most people, so should that really be what we're holding up as the ultimate example for young, aspiring actors? Should she be recognized? Absolutely. But I wish it would be in a way that doesn't imply that having a role in your local community theater's production of Willy Wonka means you're somehow less than.
Heck, even the judges are women who have done more than 99% of the rest of us. Andrea Jung, former CEO of Avon and now an expert in microfinance (I don't even know what that is). Iconic fashion designer Diane Von Furstenberg. Even Janice Bryant Howroyd, who I have never heard of, is the CEO and founder of one of the largest workforce companies. Is it possible that they might have a blind spot or two when it comes to recognizing someone's success?
I had the opportunity to spend an entire day in the ER at our local hospital this past weekend. The doctors and nurses were all amazing and were heroes to the people they were treating. But you know who the real hero of the day was? The custodian. We were there for nine hours and in that time I watched her zipping in and out of rooms the moment they were vacated. She cleaned and disinfected everything to ensure that the room was ready for the next patient. She was as silent as a ninja. She took care of everything so that the medical staff could focus on patient care. She was invaluable. But would she ever be held up as an example of someone who is successful? Probably not. Neither would the woman behind the deli counter at your local grocery store. And I get it. Slicing meat doesn't sound glamorous, and you're not going to make a million dollars a year doing it. But why do we equate huge salaries and titles with success instead of the real value that people bring to society? I can't slice meat. I can't balance the financial books of a large company. I can't perform medical procedures. I'm a public servant who chose to dedicate my life to the greater good. No one knows my name when they see my work, and I don't spend my weekends on a yacht. But I feel good about what I do. Is that success? I think so.
Like it or not, our attachment to this arbitrary definition of success is leading to some serious mental health issues. The pressure to achieve and succeed has been tied to increased cases of anxiety and depression which, in turn, lead to an increased risk of developing an addiction to drugs or alcohol. I've seen it firsthand. When I was working at a private university a few years ago, it was absolutely normal for a student to have a double major, and more than half of the students also had double minors. The workload associated with that is crazy and I don't know how they had any time to actually experience college life. I'm not saying that they were addicts, but you could definitely see them struggling to deal with the stress. Is a title and salary worth sacrificing your life experiences?
We place value the wrong things and I'd love to see us reshape our thinking, especially as we come out of this pandemic. Let's take some of the lessons we've learned about our values and apply them. Appreciate ourselves for who we are and what we do. Were you able to get out of bed today, even though you didn't want to? Congratulations! You were successful. Did you manage to get your family fed and keep them safe? You nailed it! Did you put on pants, even if they were just pajama pants? You go, girl! Or guy! I guess the bottom line is that I would love to see us all appreciate ourselves and recognize that every day we manage to get up and navigate the day is a success. We are all successful in our own ways. Writing this post? Success! Reading this post? Success!
Cheers, and peace out until next time.
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